Guns & Grabbers

Let’s keep things in perspective: I’m not dying. And actually, this latest total hip replacement surgery has (so far) been a MUCH smoother ride than the first one. But there are a some delicacies in life that people may not fully appreciate until they have a fabricated hip installed. Just to name a few…

  • Putting on socks/shoes
  • Getting into that first pant leg
  • Going up stairs
  • Coming down stairs
  • Laying on one’s side
  • Laying on one’s stomach
  • Taking baths (as opposed to showers)
  • Armless chairs
  • Tall chairs (Ultra modern super-low seating be damned!!!)
  • Loose-fitting clothes
  • Entrance ramps
  • Patient dogs who somehow understand that Mommy is struggling a bit
  • Supportive friends and family members
  • Grabbers


I had no idea that grabbers came in such an endless sea of shapes, sizes, colors, and mechanical sophistication levels. Personally, I’m making due with the cheap Wal-Mart variety. Gets the job done well enough.

Armed with my trusty grabber (I think Wal-Mart calls it a “Reacher”), I can retrieve errant doohickies and whatnots from their unceremonious resting spots on my unswept floor. Otherwise, they’d have to just stay there for a few more weeks, lest I risk angering the shiny new hip joint.

Funny part is, I treat that grabber the same way I treat Windex bottles, or gas pump nozzles, or Nerf super soakers. My index finger just automatically goes bone straight and climbs as high along the side as it physically can. Thanks to Tom Givens and his ilk, Safety Rule #3 is burned so deep into my psyche that I get nervous whenever I see someone hugging the trigger at the Exxon pumps, let alone at the gun range.

Oh well. I suppose there are worse things to obsess over. Still, compared to a Glock frame, the grabber’s frame doesn’t provide nearly as comfy a resting place for my index finger.

Post-surgery updates for those who are interested… On a ten-point scale, pain level is down to about two. Some days it’s one or zero. Biggest issue now is stiffness, weakness, and range of motion (lack thereof). This hip needs some serious loosening. But hey, I’ll take that over pain any day!

P.S. – Just tried to find an apropos pic or vid for this post, but my Google search for “stiff joint” went off the rails real fast, LOL. 🙂

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